Privacy or Passion? Avoiding Romance Scams

There’s no doubt about it: love can be a complicated game, especially as more of us go searching for soulmates on the Internet. You never know for sure if the person behind the profile will live up to their online image. But for the thousands of Americans caught by online romance scams each year, the search for love can end up complicating their lives in ways they never imagined. So, while you’re looking for passion, don’t forget to protect your privacy first.​

According to the Federal Trade Commission, more than 21,000 Americans were caught by romance scams in 2018. Those unlucky love-seekers were conned out of $143 million, a more than four-fold increase over 2015. The median loss to these scams was about $2,600, seven times higher than any across all other fraud types. But the older people are, the more they are likely to lose: among people in their 70s, median losses were $10,000, and some people have lost their entire life savings to these criminal schemes.

Romance scams operate differently than most identity theft scams. For example, a phishing scam is a numbers game, targeting millions of people in hopes of tricking some small percentage. In contrast, a romance scammer will invest time and effort into cultivating relationships with their victims. It starts with a friend invite on social media or a profile on a dating app. If the invite is accepted or the app user swipes right, the scammer starts sharing. At first, they share interests or light-hearted messages, then the “personal details” of their fake persona: they are single or in an unhappy marriage, they are lonely, and often they’re working or stationed overseas. The victim responds with his or her personal details, and the scammer points out that they have so much in common. Love takes root. And finally, there are pleas for money: for an emergency, for travel to meet in person, for a business deal, for a divorce.​

If you’re active on social media or dating apps, be wary about friending strangers or sharing personal information. Don’t be fooled if you seem to have a few friends in common. It may simply mean that some of your friends weren’t as cautious as you in accepting invites from strangers. ​

But even people who aren’t looking for love can be vulnerable. Older people are especially at risk because they may be lonely and just enjoy the attention of online correspondence. And scammers know that lonely older people may be more easily tricked out of their savings. So, if you have an older friend or family member who spends time online, be on the lookout for scammers targeting them. ​

Here are some signs of a romance scam:

• The person is suspiciously quick to say they’re in love.
• The person wants to take your interactions off a dating site right away and use email or messaging. (Many dating sites are now using artificial intelligence to spot users who may be running scams.)
• They say they’re traveling or working internationally. This is an easy way to hide their identity because you can’t meet them in person.
• They want to visit you, but they don’t have leave from the military, or they don’t have the money because, although they are fabulously well off, a business deal recently fell through.
• The clincher: They ask for money without ever having met in person.

If you see these signs, you should cut off contact and report the person at FTC.gov/complaint. Experts also recommend doing some sleuthing on any stranger who approaches you online. A good Social media, Google, and Venmo search or a reverse image search can go a long way. If you find the person’s photo with a different name or personal information, you know the identity is probably faked. (If you have a MyIDCare Premier membership with SocialSentry^TM, our social media privacy protection service, you’ll receive alerts if any fraudulent activity is found on your accounts.)

Even if you think you’ve found “the one” online, protect your privacy and financial wellbeing. Until you’ve met in person, don’t overshare personal details and don’t send money. In the game of love, the right moves are cautious moves. If they really love you, they’ll understand. And if they’re scammers masquerading as soulmates, then—to paraphrase the great Hank Williams—their cheatin’ heart won’t make you weep. ​